We might regret this but...presenting The Inaugural Truth Awards

For those of you speculating that the purveyor of this column below might be a relation of Paris Hilton, a brother who has subtly changed one letter in his last name in an effort to hide his familial connections, we think not.

Hiltons don't slum in the newspaper world, well, at least not on the wrong end of the camera, pen, computer, etc.

For identification purposes, the Nevada Sagebrush is the student newspaper of the University of Nevada but you'll pick up on that soon enough.

Also, we apologize ahead of time for printing this entire column but it just deserves it.

The Inaugural Truth Awards
Garrett Hylton
Nevada Sagebrush
http://nevadasagebrush.com/
March 11, 2008

The Western Athletic Conference handed out it’s awards yesterday, but who cares about all that legitimate basketball-related crap? Here are the awards that matter:

The All-NBA Prospect Team

Marcelus Kemp, Sr., G, Nevada
Jaycee Carroll, Sr., G, Utah State
JaVale McGee, So., F, Nevada
Herb Pope, Fr., F, New Mexico State
Justin Hawkins, Sr., F, New Mexico State

Analysis: While Carroll deservedly won the WAC player of the year award, Kemp is a better player and better NBA prospect. Carroll is limited athletically and doesn’t offer much more than that sweet jumpshot. Kemp, on the other hand, has a decent body and scores from everywhere on the floor.

I still think Carroll can play in the NBA if he lands with the right team. Steve Kerr played an awfully long time, and Carroll is a good enough shooter to fill a similar roll.

The best prospects on the team, however, are McGee and Pope. McGee is one of the most naturally gifted players in the country and Pope has huge upside as well. Pope, though, also has the best chance of never actually reaching the league based on his immaturity and questionable past.


The Kicked Puppy Player of the Year Award

Hector Hernandez, F, Fresno State

Runner-up: JaVale McGee, F, Nevada

Analysis: Hernandez deserves some credit for his signature facial gestures. McGee’s also an emotional player who can bust out a pretty impressive I-think-I’m-going-to-cry face after getting called for fouls, but Hernandez pretty much constantly looks like he just got kicked in the groin. Plus, McGee showed at San Jose State that he’s capable of kicking back.


Worst Tattoo

Reggie Larry, Boise State

Runner-up: Any player who has an area code tattooed anywhere

Analysis: Let’s put meaning aside and go straight off terrible appearance. Larry wins for the clip artish tat on his left arm that features two people holding hands in front of a basketball hoop. The area code fad has victimized shortsighted teens for years, but how can you beat a Hallmark card on the arm?

(OUR EDITORIAL NOTE: We just had to jump in here to promote the candidacy of Matt (Honolulu Ink) Gibson in this category -- he's our guy)


Best-Dressed Coach

Mark Fox, Nevada

Analysis: The man is in a class of his own when it comes to rocking the suit.

(OUR EDITORIAL NOTE: We would love to know if this particular award was presented last year somewhere else because Coach Reggie would have demanded a recount if he lost to any other WAC coach, er, make that ANY coach period...actually make that ANY human being male or female)


The All-Arrest Team

Herp Pope, F, New Mexico State
Jahmar Young, G, New Mexico State
Chris Cole, G, New Mexico State
Tyrone Nelson, F, New Mexico State

Analysis: So what if there are only four players? With that sort of arrest record, this group doesn’t need to observe conventional rules.

Nelson didn’t play this year after pleading no contest to robbing a Domino’s delivery man before last season. Still, he was allowed to play last season under the allegations and a hearing was actually pushed back so he could play in the WAC Tournament. The other three were arrested this season and were suspended one game combined.

(OUR EDITORIAL NOTE: Some of the 'fans' of this WAC web site, those apparently from The Land of Enchantment who haven't taken kindly to our re-posting of the extra-curricular activities of a few members of the Aggie men's basketball team, will now have a new official whipping boy. Glad to see Mr. Hylton stepping up ... so we'll take a step back)