The vanilla-izing of college coaches

Once again, Dana O'Neill provides the best of columns -- the gray flannel suiting of college coaches.

We miss you Abe Lemons:

 "You out rebounded a dead man by one."

After a 7 foot center got only one rebound in the first half of a game.

+++++

"Hey, some places this would be a foul!"

while at the scorers' table holding up a tooth that had been dislodged from the mouth of his player, James Washington

+++++

"How hard is it to coach track? Tell 'em to stay to the left and get back as fast as you can."

after being fired by Texas Athletics Director and former Kansas State track coach DeLoss Dodds

+++++

"Finish last in your league and they call you 'Idiot'. Finish last in medical school and they call you 'Doctor'."

+++++

"Doctors bury their mistakes, but mine are still on scholarship."

+++++

"I hope they notice the mistletoe tied to my coattails as I leave town."

+++++

"We don't pray after a game. That's too late."

+++++

When asked how to stop illegal recruiting Abe said, "Just give every coach the same amount of money and tell them they can keep what’s left over."

+++++

When asked about running set plays, Abe answered, "There are only two plays that I know, Romeo and Juliet and put the damn ball in the basket."